The Rising Son

I was caught in a dilemma as choking with emotion I unwrapped the gift. My son had bought me a present from his first pay check and I was debating whether I should start a discourse or let life do the teaching. After some thought, I decided to err on the side of caution and do what parents do best. Sermonise and preach. So here goes

Live multiple lives

Never allow your livelihood to come in the way of living. Have a life, in fact, have many lives. Nurture diverse social groups -professional colleagues, family friends, gym buddies, book/ movie clubs, neighbourhood kitties, childhood bum chums. Have a work life, a family life but stay connected with your past. Keep these groups exclusive so that if one part of your life is not working there are other aspects to fall back on. Above all learn to enjoy your own company.

Take risks

As good as new….after a year

Believe in the innate goodness of people. Be optimistic and take the risk to trust again. Even when it’s dark keep the windows open to see the sunrise. Take calculated risks but don’t indulge in recklessness. Certain things have been proven dangerous so trust us elders and avoid them. Drink responsibly. Don’t overspeed or drive under influence . Use seat belts and helmets. Walk away from fights and brawls. Obey laws and rules for your own safety. Don’t make money at the cost of your well being. A healthy lifestyle is a wiser investment.

Don’t marry for love-

Marry for the right reasons. Don’t marry because its the next logical step in your life, or because your friends are doing so. And I might regret this advise later but don’t marry because I ask you to. Marry when you are ready to share your life with someone and are ready for the accompanying responsibility. Don’t marry for money or status or for love which is vague and fleeting. Marry someone you admire and who shares the same moral values . For long after the flames of passion have died mutual respect and a common goal will keep the relation alive.

Don’t help with the housework

As the role of men and women continues to evolve it is time you understand that just as the boardroom is no longer your exclusive domain the kitchen isn’t hers. If the house is yours so is the accompanying work required to run it. So pitch in. Learn to cook and clean up. Do your share of chores dutifully and with pride, not as a favour to anyone. It is when the domestic help is on leave that you have to truly prove that you are ‘maid for each other’.

Don’t be the centre of her universe

Encourage your partner to live a fulfilling life. Motivate her to have a career and hobbies. Support her dreams and aspirations. Help her revive old bonds and friendships. This is imperative not only for her personal growth but for your well being too. A life which is spent pandering to your whims and needs can’t be wholesome . And being the sole reason for her happiness is too much pressure for you.

Baby blues or pinks

Although babies are a lot of work and initially they need to be fed at one end and wiped at the other, they are still worth having. Pink , blue or both. Have kids when you are ready. Actively participate in child rearing and be involved in their lives. More than money, spend time on them.Its an investment you’ll never regret.
Boys don’t cry

Be strong and standup for your beliefs. Make decisions and take responsibility. Don’t be too hard on others but expect only the best from yourself. Don’t drown that small inner voice and it will guide you. Be a man to protect and provide for your family. More importantly, be man enough to admit mistakes and inadequacy, and if the occasion requires be man enough to cry. For before you are a man, you are a human.

Always the meddlesome mom

There will be countless times when you’ll think that I won’t understand your predicament , that I am too senile, too uptight, too far removed from reality to deal with the truth. Try me. I might surprise you. The fact is that I am extremely proud of you and there are few things you can do to change it. So count on me. I’ll always be around, in body or spirit, with my unsolicited advise!

The world is your oyster and nothing announces it better then this pearly ceramic time piece which I will proudly wear on my wrist. Thanks for the gift son, its your time on my watch!!

( published in the Tribune on 22/7/2015 as ‘ A prayer for my son’)