It innocuously popped up on my Facebook homepage, an year old post about the tragedy of a lockdown. Instead of the intended aim to reminisce and rejoice, reading it filled me with remorse. To my own ears the concerns sounded frivolous, my complaints so annoyingly inane. I seemed naive, almost clueless. And although I keep saying that I won’t add these two ‘unused’ years to my age, it’s indisputable that I have never grown up so fast. Not ever have I had a clearer sense of what is vital and what is not. Last year I was debating the usefulness of a lockdown, this year I was begging for one, anything to stop the avalanche of deaths. Once again I have put my life on hold and stopped doing what I do. I am maid for myself, judiciously balancing my time and ‘mai’ time, but all this seems like a minor inconvenience.
Last year the problem was forced admission of any COVID positive patient and institutional quarantine of all contacts, so much so that people avoided being tested to evade the stigma and inconvenience of incarceration. This year the problem is overcrowded hospitals, overextended health professionals, elusive medicines, delayed lab reports and the uncertainty of the next whiff of oxygen. The haunting images of jobless labourers trudging back home have been replaced by the much more sinister images of pyres burning in make shift cremation grounds, dead bodies floating down waterways and shallow graves on river beds. Back then the dead were adequately mourned, their tragic ends recounted by family and friends. Now too many people are dying. There isn’t time to grieve because of the trail of sick relatives left behind.
Last year the blame game was simple, it seemed the Tablighi Jamaat was singularly responsible for our misfortune. This year we have a wider choice – the misguided Kumbh, ill conceived political rallies and countless social gatherings. Not to discount our own ‘little’ lapses- using duplicate reports to travel, ignoring physical distancing rules and wearing masks not for protection but for the police! Overconfident of our inherent immunity, with mass vaccinations on the horizon and a declining positivity rate it seemed that we were out of the woods. We let our guard down after ‘flattening the curve’ and walked straight into a spike that refused to peak.
I still feel that it takes little to perish but in the last month I have learnt that we need much more to survive. In a country where black marketing is the norm and prices of any projected ‘panacea’ are hiked, the moneyed and well connected will always have an edge. Because the state isn’t dependable, its each for his own. The natural Indian instinct is to hoard anything and everything-last year it was pantry staples, this year it is masks, medicines, oxygen cylinders, concentrators and possibly even wood for the final deed!
I lost many of my revered professors, a few of my esteemed colleagues and two classmates in the last month. Frontline warriors who silently slipped away, unlauded and unsung. I have never felt so helpless and scared. So much so that during the second wave I was wary of social media. A flurry of messages on doctors groups usually meant that another member has been sacrificed in the line of duty. Life has never been so uncertain and death so real.
It seems laughable that last year I was questioning the relevance of a life without the freedom to work, play and travel. ‘ Ye jeena bhi koi jeena hai lallu ?‘I had injudiciously asked. A year later waking up to discover that me, my friends, colleagues and family are alive and healthy fills me with gratitude. I have painfully learnt ‘ Jaan hai toh jahan hai ‘ or as my late medical school professor used to say, “A living problem is better than a dead problem.”
( carried in the Hindustan Times on 17/6/21)
Excellent.
Thanks CR
Very apt write up Dr Manju. Definitely life never so uncertain and death so real. We are going through a nightmare. Is raat ki subah jald hi……
Marvellous . Keep the flow of thoughts going.
Thanks Anjali….the first responder….woh subah kabhi to aayegi…..
So well written Dr Manju about these unpredictable and uncertain times Keep writing and impressing
Thanks Shalu….your appreciation was predictable
Harsh reality mirrored in a simple emotional way.
But I’m afraid, we hardly learn from what is happening in the surrounding unless we ourselves take a hit.
Thanks Ashok….yes that’s such a pity….humans seldom learn from others
You pen the feelings of everyone so candidly Manju…. and in such a beautiful way… this could be my story… or story of ppl around. The devastation caused by 2 nd wave almost made us wish the first one back!!! All that we hated about 1 st wave.. we were actually begging for that.. lockdown, travel restrictions, social diastancing.. etc etc. Aur likho…..
Thanks Anu…I know you feel likewise….what I write is never about me alone….it’s a reflection of what I perceive around me
Loved it manju
Don’t stop writing.
Your serious stuff is even better than those penned in the lighter vein ….The uncertainty, the turmoil, the constant fear….The living nightmare..You have penned it so well……..And as medicos we have never been more aware of how little we really know
Khuda reham kar
I intend to continue to churn out more ……yes we know so little…but at least we have the integrity to accept it….You are right only divine intervention will get us through
Want to keep such articles for our future generations to know … what exactly happened in our mind n heart in corona times . Well done
Aww Vandana…such a sweet thing to say.
Very very well written…truth in every word ..we felt it and you penned it Manju
Thanks Vandana, glad you could identify with it
What a writeup!
Great
I always believe that in a writeup content is more important than the class
What a content!
As if the full one and half year has been literally pushed into a nutshell
Side by side in its two halves
For comparison of the fist and second wave
The second way came as a sunami
Managing a covid centre I could feel the heat and chill of it closely
A wave made in India by our covid non appropriate behaviour
By the Delta strain made in India
Which dodged the vaccines made in India
And the resultant lockdown which made every Indian
Maid in India
What a writeup!
A perfect blend of content and class
Salute to your writeup Dr Manju Gupta
Thanks Sunil…you are very kind
Such a thought provoking article about the tragic times we are living through. Passing time and changed circumstances does bring perspective, if one is inclined to look back. These are unprecedented times and nobody has a crystal ball to look into the future and amend our current view of what might lay ahead. So, be gentle to yourself, be kind to others and always be in gratitude
Thanks Jyoti….. I would be scared to look in the crystal ball if I had one…you are right kindness to self and others….and gratitude
One of your best articles
Thought provoking
Thankful for being alive
Ditto…grateful for being alive
Well written , positive upbeat article. Looking forward to many more such positivity work.
विघनो को गले लगाते हैं
काँटो में राह बनाते हैं
Thanks Charanjit…I am glad you could pick up the positivity in this article full of angst.
Good morning
Just loved reading ur article in HT today. Very crisp and realistic words.
Dr Vineet Mahajan
Consultant pulmonologist & Intensivist
Jalandhar city
Thanks Dr Vineet for finding it worthy of comment. Do visit my blog ALifeExtraordinarilyOrdinary.com for similar stuff
Brilliant write up.Reflecting the moods n emotions we all went through. Already looking forward to your next one.
Thanks MM ….I hope there is another one too
Dr Manju Loved the way you summed up the pandemic.So much angst,last year was the lull before the storm.May we all come out stronger and wiser.Loka samastha sukhino bhavantu!Keep the lovely words flowing …..
Thanks a lot….yes it was the lull before the storm….still cringe at the thought of how we bragged about our immunity…..crediting BCG vaccination , chloroquine usage and even the filth we live in!
What a beautiful and wise write-up aunty! There’s so much here I relate to, including the death of a relative. How times change! Last year, the lockdown was a punishment, this year, like you said, we were begging for one.
Thanks vanya… how our perspective has changed in the span of a year
गागर में सागर
More than looking for what you have told I had to lens for what you have not told about the dimensions of this wave, its root causes, its effects on human lives, it’s opportunity in tragedy angle(आपदा में अवसर) for the hoarding community, it’s haunting memories and the lessons learnt
What else can grow you so fast
Giving a clear clue to what should be considered vital and what not
A comparison of the two waves, the baby wave and the killer one
From forced admissions to denied admissions
From fleeing families with belongings over heads to burning pyres, floating bodies and shallow graves
Dying patients with infirm relatives unable to grieve in comfort
From onus on Tablighis to a wider choice of ill conceived insane acts this year counted threadbare in a small space
It takes a little to perish and a lot more to survive.. a lesson learnt
A complete article crushed beautifully as if in a compressed file
Where from each sentence can be stretched into a paragraph and a paragraph into an essay
Not so easy to compress a para into a sentence and still not losing the meaning
Well that’s an art which have you have been blessed with
A clear focus on what you want to say and not on how you should say
Great work Dr Manju
The void has been duly filled and we hope many more such works are expected in near future
10/10
Sunil Sethi whoa….yet again you dole out the praise without restraint
I don’t think I deserve such a detailed flattering analysis
But thanks a lot… it means so much
Welcome back writer Sahiba , there was a ” void” in you & this literary space. Now that’s “past”
Thanks a lot for your continued interest in my doodles. Wouldn’t have done it without your help….friend…philosopher ….guide..manager
Yes didi, so true. At least we are able to hear the voices of our near and dear ones though from far. Thanks to God for the each day he gave us as a gift in the present situation.
Our emotional breakdowns would be carried over to the future generations to ponder over the tragic situations we had been through.
Keep writing…..we need a pen to note down our views in general.
Thanks a lot for writing in Namita… yes this time will be hard to erase from our collective memory
What a writeup!
Great
I always believe that in a writeup content is more important than the class
What a content!
As if the full one and half year has been literally pushed into a nutshell
Side by side in its two halves
For comparison of the fist and second wave
The second way came as a sunami
Managing a covid centre I could feel the heat and chill of it closely
A wave made in India by our covid non appropriate behaviour
By the Delta strain made in India
Which dodged the vaccines made in India
And the resultant lockdown which made every Indian
Maid in India
What a writeup!
A perfect blend of content and class
Salute to your writeup Dr Manju Gupta