They keep coming and keep getting worse. They have the power to offend and disgust. They cut across class and race, time and space.They launch debates and discussions and lead to protests and walkouts. They may be ignored but are never forgotten, at least by one half of humanity! Yet they keep coming…. Misogynist comments! Their onslaught is relentless. They are deep rooted in the male psyche and a part of our history. Let me open with the oft- repeated musings of Sant Tulsi Das
“Dhol, ganwar, shudra, pashu, naari , sakal taadan ke adhikari”
Translated it means that drums, illiterates, low casts, animals and women deserve to be beaten. And although scholars may debate that he meant upliftment by ‘taadan‘ , the inclusion of drums gives away the plot, for how can a drum be redeemed.
Though we have evolved as a society and refrain from endorsing cruelty against animals and low casts, sexist remarks are a different ball game. They are thrown around with impunity, many times by our lawmakers themselves. A recent study by International Centre for Research on Women shows that Indian men are among the most chauvinistic among the six developing countries surveyed. Sixty-five percent still think women deserve to be beaten, sixty eight percent say a woman should put up with a violent husband for the family and only seventeen percent can be considered fair to the fair sex.
This, despite the fact that Indian women have made great progress in every field known to men. This has brought economic freedom and the confidence to demand better treatment. In some ways, the accompanying independence has turned the average orthodox male against them. For what else can explain the sexist remarks which range from unsolicited advice on how to conduct themselves to blatant verbal abuse. Since misogyny is so rampant I am quoting the reactions to just one incident which is still fresh in public memory.
These verbal assaults vary from the brazen to the bizarre. Some are insensitive and trivialise rape like Mr Arun Jaitley who dismissed the tragic Nirbhaya case as a small incident or lawyer Mr M.L Sharma who said dogs can’t be blamed for pouncing on unattended sweets. Some blame the victim like Mr Abu Azmi who said that girls should not venture out after dark without a male kin. Mr Mohan Bhagwat asserted that more rapes happen in ‘India’ than ‘Bharat’ — the first a symbol for promiscuous modernity; the latter for a more traditional order where women live within prescribed boundaries. Some comments were ridiculous like Sant Asha Ram who suggested that the victim could have saved herself by calling her rapists bhaiya ( brother). Even the nation wide protests were punctuated by some stunners. The President’s son, Mr Abhijit Mukherjee mocked women demonstrators as “highly dented and painted women.”
It’s everywhere!
It would have been comforting if vile foolishness had been the domain of a few. But reams can be filled with this filth and would divert attention from the real issue. The problem isn’t these men and their outbursts. Had it been just them it could have been dismissed as an aberration, ignored on the pretext of freedom of speech.The sordid truth is that they represent a much wider and deeper mindset. Tehalka, the news magazine, conducted a nation wide survey of people from various religions, professions, socioeconomic backgrounds and educational status. The results were astounding and showed a complete absence of male accountability. The common thread was that the burden of social order and morality lay with women. How can a society decide and enforce moral values if there is a foundational disagreement over what those values are?
Another disturbing question is, are these men just following their father’s footsteps ? I am a great fan of Gandhi’s ideology but his behaviour towards women varies between patronising to plain sexist. Sample what the father of our nation had to say about rape and its victims “I have always held that it is physically impossible to violate a woman against her will. The outrage takes place only when she gives way to fear or does not realise her moral strength. If she cannot meet the assailant’s physical might, her purity will give her the strength to die before he succeeds in violating her.” The oft-repeated lament that women should dress appropriately can also be traced back to Bapu ji. As a dissident in South Africa, he discovered a youth had been harassing two of his female followers. Gandhi responded by personally cutting the girls’ hair off, to “sterilise” the “sinner’s eye”. He boasted of this incident in his writings, pushing the message that women should carry responsibility for sexual attacks upon themselves.
To be fair, sexual discrimination was around much before Gandhi so at worst, he can be accused of following a tradition which was already in place. The roots of such behaviour can be traced to the ancient codes of Manu, the progenitor of mankind, some 10,000 years ago. According to Hindu mythology Manusmriti, written in the fifth century BCE, is the word of Brahma. It is classified as the most authoritative statement on Dharma. A part of the text, focuses on guarding women from sexual freedom and possible infidelity. Some translated shlokas are presented .
“Balye pitorvashay tishteth panee grhasay yownay. putranam bhartre pretay na bjait stri swatantr tam.”[5/151].A girl should be controlled by her father, be under the custody of her husband after marriage and in her son’s care when widowed. In no circumstances should she be allowed to assert herself independently.
“Asheela kamvrto va gunyar va parivarjita, upcharya sitrya sadhya ya sat tam dev vat pati.”[5/157]. Men may be lacking virtue, be sexual perverts, immoral and devoid of any good qualities, yet wives must constantly worship and serve them.
I had intended to further corroborate my essay with some shlokas from the Holy Vedas when I chanced upon this gem.
Na asti strinam ye mantre iti dharme vyavstithi nie nindrya homtrash chh stribhyo anitram iti stithi” – [9/18]. Women have no divine right to perform religious rites or recite Vedic mantras because those who lack physical strength are also mentally feeble .
Apparently women are not supposed to read, recite or quote from the Vedas so I have refrained from doing so. Why invoke the wrath of patriarchy !
After taking you back in time to understand the root of the problem let me take you across the length and width of the country to grasp its magnitude. Nothing unites our nation like misogyny. Sample these roughly translated nuggets of folk wisdom from various parts of the country. Starting with a proverb from Punjab ‘A woman who shows more love for you than your mother is a slut.’ According to a Gujarati proverb, ‘A woman’s intelligence is in her heels.’ A Malayali saying warns, ‘One who adheres to women’s advice will be reduced to beggary.’ Manipuri tradition asserts, ‘A woman can never grow tall enough to reach the shelf.’’ These sayings and proverbs which belittle, ridicule, accuse and demean women influence the mindset of society through repetition.
Misogyny is a perfectly secular sentiment which is practiced across all religions and endorsed by their leaders. No wonder many feminists are atheists or agnostics and consider religion to be an outdated patriarchal institution. One would expect it from the conservative mullahs so it comes as no surprise when the clergy of the Jamaat-e-Islami-Hind advocated co-educational institutes to be shut down, pre-marital sex to be outlawed and girls to dress in sober clothes as ways to prevent rape. But even Pope Francis of the Vatican, who is hailed as a liberal called church women strawberries on the cake, stressing their decorative function. In an interview to an Italian daily when asked if his remarks were laced with misogyny he laughed and said, “The fact is, woman was taken from a rib.”
Why so?
And with this humourless ‘little joke’ I rest my case. Lets move on to the possible reasons of this practice. This mindset is the fallout of a patriarchal society where the male head decides what is good for the entire family. Consciously or subconsciously, our society builds up men by tearing down women. Preference and preferential treatment of sons furthers this sentiment by making them believe that they are better than their sisters.
Harassment of women and sexist behaviour is not uncommon around the world, but in India it is crass because there is a lack of awareness about sexual and political correctness. This is because most Indian men grow up without much contact with women outside their family and do not know how to interact with them and forge a healthy relationship, thus frustrated they ridicule and assault . Bollywood’s popular imagery of women creates wrong impressions and titillating scenes which objectify women reinforce the lurid male gaze.
Even among educated men modernity is cultivated more in terms of its superficial aspects than inculcating progressive values like equality among sexes and races. Contemporary Indian women who dress in western style and assert independence are considered of low moral character by them. I have spent most of my life in Haryana, the state with the worst sex ratio. And I have frequently observed that the average youth confuses modernity with a lifestyle not an outlook. The truth is that behind the liberal garb of the modern man there still lurks an orthodox Indian.
The problem stretches even beyond these explanations. Sexual crimes and sexist behaviour is also used to demonstrate power and supremacy. This explains women being used as war booty in ancient times and low caste women being raped by upper caste men even now. Our great epics add to the confusion, the average Indian who grows up idolising ‘Purshottam‘ Ram thinks it is more virtuous to sacrifice a pregnant wife than back her. Similarly, the use of Draupadi as stake in a game of dice by ‘ Dharamraj‘ Yudhishter condones treating women as possessions. Criminal male machismo is also to blame. What else could explain celebrated journalists and judges, senior police officers and politicians throwing caution to the wind for a moment of ill gotten passion, in speech or deed.
What now?
We can debate and dissect this issue ad nauseam and point fingers at our fore fathers but the simple truth is that misogyny is still prevalent because it suits men. The pertinent question is can we curb this menace ? And more importantly do we feel the need to do so? The answer is, that if not completely, we can reduce it significantly. Sadly, many do not feel it is necessary saying that it is not worrisome because it is prevalent worldwide. Although true, misogyny is subtler in the civilised world due to clear policies on acceptable behaviour. In India there is often no insight where to draw the line.
We can blame, our scriptures, the very basis of our society, and excuse ourselves saying its the way we are. But sexism in our revered books is more likely a case of misrepresentation. It is difficult to believe that any holy text will encourage derogatory behaviour towards a fellow human being. Manusmriti, as the name indicates ( smriti means memory) and many other Indian texts were recited from memory for many generations before they were finally committed to paper. I would like to believe that some of what the great sages said was misinterpreted and the rest was lost in translation. For how can the famous shloka ‘yatr naryasto pojyantay, ramantay tatr devta ‘[3/56] ( Gods are pleased to reside where women are honoured ) come from the same mind.
A change in the male mindset is the need of the day. This can be achieved by a multi faceted approach. Apart from women empowerment through education, opportunity ,safe environs and legislation, gender sensitisation has to be introduced in schools. Sexism is often unintended, a case of ‘ignorance breeding contempt.’ Young boys should be encouraged to accept their feminine side and not be ridiculed for being emotional and sensitive beings. Cinema should be more responsible in its portrayal of women. Misogynist behaviour should be suitably punished. This should not be difficult at least for the state and its institutions. People in public office should be held accountable for voicing or acting on misogynist impulse. It should automatically invite censure or expulsion. Nothing has more impact than a Constitutional principle made visible.
A gender sensitive society will not only help women reach their full potential but the country reach its. For a nation that does not harness its women-power cannot take its true position in the world ….. it’s time men realise this.
( published in the Week on 27/3/2016)